thoughts

my friend Brooke wrote on her blog a couple days ago about more or less "keeping up with the jones".  I have had a rough summer...post Cancun anyway.  I am having a hard time keeping things in my life in perspective.  I am letting too many little things dictate my daily routines.  For a while I was who I am, and it didn't really matter to me what people thought... but, for whatever reason those feelings of self-doubt and insecurity have slowly started creeping there way back into my thoughts.  Last week a friends, through my dance world, son passed away...  I told myself to be angry less, to love more, to focus on the big picture... then my husbands Grandmother passed away, and I told myself the very same sentence.  But, for some reason the words sound good going in, but they aren't registering in my soul.  I want to attach them to myself, to become them... but for some reason those silly little things are making me so upset.  I feel like I am walking on the edge of a cliff and the big things have pushed me to stand near to edge, but the little things are making me look down and stumble... where instead I wish I were taking a few steps back, taking a deep breath, and was enjoying the view from the top.  So, I guess what I'm trying to say is: I am going to stop taking things for granted.  Enjoy the relationships I have, be grateful for good friends in my life.  I am going to love more and be more open minded, and I am going to try my very hardest to care less about little things- that really have no significance on my life or my days.  I am going to move forward in my life, instead of stay stagnant and focus on things that are too stubborn to change. I am going to try to become a better version of me.  I guess that is what life is about in most ways... although sometimes I am sure the meaning of life is near the bottom of a Haagen-Dazs Dulche de Leche ice cream half pint.

xoxo,
K