(this post is more of a journal for me, please read if you want- but understand that I want to document these emotions so I can remember how I feel.)
-The Beginning: I still find it surreal that there is a squishy little human growing inside of me, sometimes I don't believe that it's true. The baby is 3 inches long this week. I just really can't believe that I have a person growing inside of me. When we decided to start trying, in mid-May, I had been on birth control for seven years, so we thought it would take quite a while... well 45 days later we were pregnant, so it was an expected surprise, if that makes sense! I just cried when I found out, and I re-took pregnancy tests... like 4 of them. Just to be sure.
-Morning Sickness: what a bad name... it should be called all day/all night sickness. The one saving grace of it, is usually if you are still sick- it means the baby is growing properly. So as much as I can imagine all women hate the constant nausea, at least you get some peace of mind. Phenegren has made it so I can somewhat function.
-Colds: during pregnancy are a joke. I have had this specific cold for three and a half weeks... seriously. I have had a hard time sleeping, I am constantly coughing- which half the time hurts my changing body... and I have no immune system, so I can't really fight it and I can't take much medicine for it... Good news baby is still nice a safe and warm in it's little home.
-Sex of the Baby: I really didn't understand before when people would say they didn't care what they had... but now I do... Brandon and I really could care less what it is, as long as it gets here safely. I guess that's where faith comes in. I mean of course I have visions of a little girl in leggings with chubby thighs hanging out the top in between that and a ruffle butt onesie- or a little boy with thick curly hair that will be born off the charts in height and that will run around looking up to Bk, wanting to be just like his Dad- but still in love with his Mom... I have those things, but I would happily take either vision.
-Are we ready?: Of course not, but ready or not, here it comes- I guess at this point! We have nights of panic where we think about how we have lived just us for close to five years and how do we add another tiny person into this mix- diapers, feeding, clothing, how am I going to be a parent, I hope I don't screw up this person I am growing thoughts. There are just so many emotions involved with this evolution, plus you have crazy pregnancy hormones on top of it all... so every feeling and thought is amplified by one million.
-Complications: Around 9 weeks I had a threatened miscarriage and was in the Emergency Room for about six hours. I never knew how much I wanted this child in my life until that moment, not that I didn't want it- I always did, but the thought of losing it had me broken down. (In fact I hadn't told my Family I was pregnant...I was so scared/stressed that on our way to the ER I called my Mom and said: I am 9 weeks pregnant and going to the emergency room at McKay Dee... and then I hung up the phone, she wanted to KILL me) It was one of the scariest days I can ever remember, it goes right up there with my Mom's cancer. Anyway, everything seems to be going okay now, but I am always scared... I wish I wasn't, but I am.
-Excitement: The thought of having a little family of three is just the best thing. I am excited to see how we work as a family and how our lives will change and how we will become stronger and better... to see the moments of break down and stress, I know it is going to be hard... that's why Heavenly Father makes babies so cute, so we don't get mad when they wake us up every two hours to feed them and change them. I am so excited to see its personality, to see what it's going to be and look like, to see how it will grow... there is just so many things to look forward to. and I feel like it is baby season, I know SO MANY pregnant people. I am so grateful that we have this opportunity, unfortunately I am not one of those women who handle pregnancy with grace, I am a wuss. I have been sick. I stay home a lot because, everything smells bad, people, food, clothes, cars, everything. But I couldn't be more excited to be given this chance, I am so excited/scared to be a Mom and I hope I do this baby justice... it will come here perfect and I hope I can help it to grow into an amazing person.
That's all for now.
xoxo,
Kelli+squishy tiny human.
No comments:
Post a Comment